Padre's bday && Jelly Roll!!!

Thank you sister, for giving me the people you have, && I will continue to say this until the day I die. Because in my eyes, they aren't here for no reason. Whether it be a lesson or a life long connection. I'm here for it. && I absolutely love that this song is playing in the background


https://open.spotify.com/track/6hwoshi6F3hl323YeLGNuM?si=d493cceda88e4e9d



His concert sister was the best by far besides Shinedown and Halestorm that I've ever been to. This definitely wont be the last either. I sent a note && watched it get passed to the guitarist of Jelly Roll. && sister when I say I cried, I truly mean tears just kept rolling. I couldn't help it because all I could think of you, screaming behind me "OMG YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT SISSY!" 

You already have your platform on the suicide wall in Nashville which I still need to go personally see. I already have the copy of the plaquerd. But I still need to see the hard copy. I need to reach out to the lady that helped me with all that. I think I'll do that tonight to be honest. 


Here we are, five whole damn days until your bday. The big 26. We're damn sure gonna have a hell of a party for you. I miss you but what if this was that party that you planned with Charity? lol, you'd be proud. I miss your stupid ass sister. You woulda punched the shit out of me at that concert for even crying. But I did, because I miss you. That was the first venue you ever went to to see him, && I was supposed to go but couldn't. I missed that opportunity with you && I'll forever beat myself for it. 

So tell me sister, why was that one thing that padre absolutely loved when it came to alchohol on the way into the jelly roll venue that night? A jack daniels distillery shop. (please see later pics). 


Its been so hard without the both of you sister, I wish you could had seen the documentary with me. The Jelly Roll one I mean. ((the following song is now playing which is damn good timing))

https://open.spotify.com/track/7eJw9KQROy7VKpGVeJwdbc?si=62380b7b596f4e79

I miss you sister, thank you for always talking to me through his music. Because gahhdamn if it doesn't ALWAYS hit on point. I miss you so so so so so much sister, But I see you. I see what you're doing. 



"Don't give up sister, I know you're tired but don't give up.

 We're doing this for a reason"  It's all I can hear in my head. && sister the shits killing me because I was so scared I was forgetting you,

Padre,

We had such a good bday for you. 72 is a hell of an age. I'm so proud of you for making it as long as you did. I'm so proud of you for pushing as long as you did, because let me tell you, to keep going is harder than I imagined. I was so mad at you at first for giving in, but I understand. You were already tired, so you did what you did because you couldn't without her. && that's why I say I'll always understand. Because going on without the both of you...... it's harder than you'd ever imagine. 

So when I say the boys are truly the only things keeping me going anymore, I'd be lying because there are days padre where I know you'd be disappointed but, I'm so damn broken. Without you, without her, this shits hard as fuck. That concert was needed, && I knew you were there the minute we saw that sign. Because why wouldn't you be? It was a lot to me, it was a lot period. So why wouldn't you both be with me for one of the biggest moments of my self healing process since the time of losing you? 




Thank you padre for trying to prepare me for the loss of you, but the preparation will never had been enough. Because life is bullshit without you. I miss you, you were my rock && you always will be. I love you padre forever && always to the moon && back to infinity and beyond, I promise.

Seester,

I hope you're so fucking proud for doing this shit, moving in silence, growing or at least attemtping to, putting the boys first, feeling you when you're there, etc, ya know, the stuff you know about me. I hope you haven't forgotten who you are. I truly hope that I'm not writing this shit for nothing sister. 

I'm going to keep living for you, doing the shit I'd never do originally but realized that I had to because you decided that life was too hard. 

Life is too hard sister and I'm sorry your demons won, but mine won't so if I have to do this life without you, you got me GODDAMN right that I'LL DO IT FOR YOU! I love you sister, I love you padre.

forever and always, the the moon and back, to infinity and beyond, I promise. 



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