Things I want to say..

Trigger Warning: Description of a Loved One After Death by Suicide ​ The Unforgettable White Sheet ​Today, the memories came back in high-definition. They weren't a trigger when I spoke the words aloud to a friend, sharing the truth.. that I lost my sister to suicide. But driving away, the silent miles brought back the small, piercing details, the ones the mind tries to protect you from, but the heart never lets go of. ​It was a small room. Rachel, Mom, Dad, && me. We stood. We all said no when they asked us to sit. ​&& then they pulled it back. That white sheet. ​I will never forget it. The off-white color, the small, almost imperceptible stain near the bottom corner. It was a barrier, && then it was gone. ​&& there she was. My little sister. ​The sight of her is etched into my soul: ​Ice bags on her eyes. ​Her lips blackened. ​The faint, awful burn mark around her neck. ​Her home-done tattoos.. horrible in their execution, yet somehow, ...

Suicide awareness is a gentle but powerful call to notice each other, to look deeper, and to break down the walls of silence around mental health. It’s about understanding that behind a smile or a silent nod, there may be a story of pain, isolation, or despair that someone is carrying alone. Through awareness, we acknowledge that suffering exists, but we also affirm that no one should bear it in silence or shame. Raising awareness is an invitation for empathy—a reminder that words and small gestures can have incredible weight and meaning. It’s a movement that teaches us that conversations matter, that listening with an open heart can provide someone with a lifeline, and that even the simple act of being present can make all the difference. Suicide awareness transforms a difficult topic into a message of hope, connection, and resilience. It’s about telling those struggling that we see them, that they are not invisible, and that they matter. By shedding light on these struggles, we creat...

Oh man. This is an emotional one, but let's start with why. For so long, I've held this resentment towards people who didn't help you stay clean. For so long, I held this resentment towards people who used with you, or hooked you on the shit period. I have my good days, && I have my bad. What I mean by that is on my good days. I can forgive those who used with you, gave you anything, who sold to you, who started the problem, and those who antagonized it. On my bad days I can't sit here and lie, sometimes. I wished the worst on them. && I know. I know. But I was angry. I regret it now, but at the time, I didn't.  I've had this voice, your voice in the back of my head now asking me to let all of your past vices go. But why? Because God knows you weren't the forgiving type ((always)). You were one to hold a grudge.  Maybe things have changed. Maybe it's the adult in me, or maybe it truly is you pushing me in the right direction.  Today thoug...

I remember this day so clearly. We went paddle boating at the park you used to work for. The one in Dickson. I had my beer with lime, you had your beer && on we went with the boys. Later after getting a marvelous tan, we swam with the boys. That was the good. The bad came so much later, but we'll skip that part for today.  You would be twenty-seven this year. && that is a big year sister. I wonder what your plans would have been this time for this event. You would had celebrated all week none-the-less but I truly wonder what you would had done. Would it had been a subtle little party in-between close friends, or even a big party with anyone you could invite? Would it had been family oriented .. I guess it's something we'll never know. It's something I'm always going to wonder what if on. You are always going to be a what if in my life now sister. I've been struggling lately, so much that you truly understand.  A trip to the Psych ward...