Things I want to say..

I wish the demons wouldn't had won.  I wish you would had logically thought about what you leaving would do to us.  But I know you couldn't help it. So it's nothing I blame you for.  It's easy to wish all this shit...... Maybe... No I lied. It really isn't... Because thinking about you, which is hard not to do.... Even when you were here asshole, is what hurts.  I keep trying to find something to fill this void in my chest since you've been gone...  ((Not drugs... Crafts, hobbies, etc)) && I think I'm running out of things lol. It's hard to not call you, number one because someone else has your phone number now, && that within itself is, a lot to handle....  Number two, because, you won't be picking up...  You were a LITERAL drug. All within yourself.  Since I haven't had video calls from you, random texts, memories that I don't have that are on your FB, random memes, etc. You saved me sister.  && For a good minute, I ...

June 1st.  17.381 weeks. 2,890 hours && 9 mins from the time I'm writing this, 10,404,609 seconds.  That's four months ..  June 2nd.  17 weeks. 2 days. 2,912 hours 16 minutes, 10,484,230 seconds.  I miss you. I love you. your birthday is so close.  Why couldn't you stay?  Today's hard sister.  Today's so so hard.  June 3rd. 122 days, 17 weeks 3 days. 2,937 hours 34 minutes, 10575358 seconds.  This dream I had, on the first. I can't explain it. But you were there. && You didn't say anything. You just had this grin. What I said, is what confuses me.  A text to Austin && Rachel: "Like... It truly doesn't make sense. You were there. && You kept saying, she's here, be happy.  && I stared at her && she wasn't saying anything. She just, grinned.  I looked at you && said "how can I be happy. Just because she's here, doesn't mean her soul is. Her souls gone"  ...