I'm sorry for being selfish.
Maybe as my therapist would say, this is a part of grief. You have good days && bad days. I'm so tired of hearing the same thing over && over. I just want different ways to deal with the shit. Without going back to everything that makes me numb. On today's episode of what fucked me up, a suicide. On a show. && Usually, it's not too bad on me mentally. Because they usually don't hang themselves. Well, this one did, && maybe the makeup was too fucking good. Because instantly, it wasn't a man who was married with kids... It was you, && at that point, I felt my heart drop. Instantly, I couldn't breathe. && Of course the few people who can make it better, can't. So.... Here I am. Still trying to figure out how the fuck to cope. Or even fucking breath right. This is hell. I'm sorry I've called you selfish. I'm sorry that you hurt so much. I'm sorry that you didn't think you had any other way...