Things I want to say..

She was so scared. we sat her on the couch, && she kept saying she was so scared.  So when Kristen, looked at her, she told her that you had died. You were sick for a long time. && You died. You lost.  I was so mad at you Taylor. For making me do this again.  I thought I was done when I told the boys. But no. The look in her eyes sister. She fell apart.  She cried. && Asked if you were in heaven...  && The reality is, that you're not..... && It fucking kills me.  Being stuck in pergatory for forever doesn't sound like fucking heaven..... But you know... You thought that was your best option..  I'm sorry .. the drugs made you think that was your best option..  I can't believe you left this little girl. She was your world. You could had won her back Taylor. You know you could had.  So I started writing that yesterday... Today's the 22nd. The day after our adopted sisters birthday, the day after we broke t...

June 1st.  17.381 weeks. 2,890 hours && 9 mins from the time I'm writing this, 10,404,609 seconds.  That's four months ..  June 2nd.  17 weeks. 2 days. 2,912 hours 16 minutes, 10,484,230 seconds.  I miss you. I love you. your birthday is so close.  Why couldn't you stay?  Today's hard sister.  Today's so so hard.  June 3rd. 122 days, 17 weeks 3 days. 2,937 hours 34 minutes, 10575358 seconds.  This dream I had, on the first. I can't explain it. But you were there. && You didn't say anything. You just had this grin. What I said, is what confuses me.  A text to Austin && Rachel: "Like... It truly doesn't make sense. You were there. && You kept saying, she's here, be happy.  && I stared at her && she wasn't saying anything. She just, grinned.  I looked at you && said "how can I be happy. Just because she's here, doesn't mean her soul is. Her souls gone"  ...