it's everything about you that made you perfect

Sitting in silence after an emotionally exhausting day. 
The tiny met his great great grandma today Tay.. on Anthonys side of course... 

I wore one of your shirts. Because of how bad I missed you this morning. && I think you knew more about fashion than you ever gave yourself credit for. 

Because this shirt is.... Wait for it.... 'BUSSIN!! 

😂I love you. I know you would have told me to shut the hell up had I actually said it. 

I think it's getting harder the closer it gets to that one day... 
I'm just.. not ready for it sister. I'm not. This is a first for me. I don't wish it on anyone
 
So shit man, give me a sign. A dream, something.... How the hell can I help with this? 
How can I make it stop? How can I show EVERYONE that they, fucking, matter. 

You were one of the brightest ... && Loudest.... In the room. At all times... You have no idea how many times you've pulled me out of that dark place.... 
You see all my light. && Love all my dark. 

I just want the shit to stop. 
Which, trust me sister, I know. && Understand all too well, because I MYSELF GET THERE!!!!! && Honestly, I've had the friends ((thankfully)) that could pull me out. But lately. I just, want to do it on my own. 
&& Maybe that's a part of all of this. Hell if know anymore. 
It's hard to tell what is what lately. 
My therapist is kinda pushing me towards going to a grief group, which a friend && I have spoke about doing together.. 
Maybe that's what I need. I just need to get it out. Like I did for the detox. 
Just, get, through it. Because you have no choice.

It's so hard without you... 
I'm so tired without you..  I never realized how much you motivated me to do things until lately... && It's because you'd bully my ass into doing it lol
Wanna send some of that motivation in that dream with how I can end the stigma with mental health? Truly would be appreciated little sister. 


I love you. Forever && always. To the moon && back. To infinity && beyond. I promise. 

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