T minus one day until it's been 8 months

That's a long time to not have you sister. 8 months. That's a lot. Especially when I was so used to talking to you, everyday. Or every other day. If it wasn't face to face, it was through video chat. 

We always had a weird relationship. We hated && loved each other. 

We weren't always the best of friends, but god knows how many times after we'd fight, I'd hold you && say I was sorry. 

Thank you for that sister. Thank you for always forgiving me. 

I always forgave you too. 

Even now, finding out a few days after you had died, that you had relapsed. && Then putting the pieces together of when, && from who.

I felt like a damn detective. 

Remember when we were little? && You constantly told on me? Some of the stuff was true, yea lol I'll own up to that now, but some stuff was also not true. 

That's why Jr reminds me so much of you. Sometimes willing to go out of his way just to get his brother in trouble... I hope they have a relationship like we do..... Did.... 

You, were always amazing to me. 

&& When Austin called me the first time we realized your mental health was truly truly bad, was because you wanted to die. You wrote out these long texts. To me, mother. Padre. You asked me to apologize to the boys. But something happened, && you decided to put the gun down, && instead, drive. So you drove. && We followed you for a good hour. 

We were doing 90+ that day sister. With mother in the car && no one gave a shit, we just knew we couldn't lose you....

Now that you're gone, life is bullshit. 

The demons in my mind alone have gotten so much worse. But, I'm learning how to control them... 

I don't think I can say enough that I fucking miss you. && I only hope you can hear me when I talk to you, or think about you. We were always good at that. 

I can not for the life remember who it was that we did this too, but one of your friends from high school didn't believe you when you told them, we could hear each other in our minds. 

So we played the game. 

((This is something ONLY Tay && I were able to do, that's why when I say, she was my other half. She truly was. She made me whole.))

Step one. Purchase a candy with many colors.

Step two. Open said candy. 

Step three. Have person eating said candy, turn towards whichever sister was behind them. ((This was so the other sister couldn't see the color of the candy, && the player could watch the sister they were turned to to make sure there werent any weird hints or signals to let them know the color))

Step four. Pick a candy, && show the one you're facing. 

Step five... Magic.... 

Tay && I ALWAYS got it. We ALWAYS confused the shit out of people. 

But we worked so hard to gain that relationship. 

&& I will forever be convinced that that's why I woke up, the moment she was fading. 

Ever since then, I haven't been the same. && I imagine you aren't either. Wherever you are. 

I needed you as bad as you needed me. 

&& The fact that you just shut me out like that, it still hurts, but damn man I forgive you

I miss you terribly sister. 

Your tile came in a few days ago.. it's beautiful. && Before opening it, I was shaking... It was exciting. && Terrifying.... All at the same time.. 

You'll never be forgotten, because we die twice. 

Once in the physical form, && the second time, once you've been forgotten. Which in reality, will be never. 

You're name && pictures on that wall. Forever 23. 

I miss you sister. 

I'll be completed once I can hug you again. 

I miss you. Please visit me soon? 

I love you. Forever && always. To the moon && back. To infinity && beyond. I promise. I pinky promise.