t minus 8 mins until it's been 7 months

That's a long damn time to not have heard you say "sissy" 
Or "love you bitch"

It's a long time to not have held your hand, or gave you a stupid long hug.. you know ... The ones that made you uncomfortable... 
It's a long time to not hold you butt while you're walking upstairs && telling you, I gotchu sister. 
It's a long time to not randomly grab each other's boobs because, idk we were weird like that.... 

I haven't got a late night 3 a.m call from you in months. 
But in reality, sister, I died with you. 
The day we buried you, you took part of me with you. 
It already bothers me to know the minute you started, I woke up from being asleep, because something didn't feel right.... 

You are the other half of me. 
The better half I think. You made me care, from the very beginning sister.... 

Five minutes until it's been seven months. 
I've made it over half the year. I should survive the rest of it right? 

Four minutes....

The closer the time gets, the more anxious I get... 
I just wanna scream at you, && I can't. 
I just wanna ask what the fuck is wrong with you, but I can't. 

Three minutes..... I'm now pacing.... Wishing I could just close my eyes && immediately go to sleep... 
This isn't fucking fair... I keep zoning out, but I keep forgetting, time keeps moving. although it truly doesn't deserve to. 

Two minutes.... I took my sleep meds.. I wonder when you'll visit me in my dream again. I haven't seen you since June 1st. I miss you sister. 
I miss you the most. 

One minute.
I died that day. February 1st. That's the only way to explain why I just can't be happy..why there is this lingering grey cloud over me.... As high as my dosage is on my antidepressants, I shouldn't be this sad still... 
I fucking miss you.....


It's 12..... && Sadly, I'm still breathing, && you aren't next to me... 
I hope these meds kick in soon...


You left me seven months ago today. && I will never be the same again. 

I love you dumbass. 







We miss you fucker. 
Forever && always. To the moon && back. To infinity && beyond. We promise. 


🖤,
Sissy


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