it's been a minute sister.

It's been, a whole minute. A good while since I've posted anything. 
I've been trying to keep my mind occupied, by not talking about you which, in the end, wasn't doing very well for me.. I've tried everything. ((Maybe not everything because I'm not going to that extreme)) but that's besides the point. 

I've been stuck on these damn plates lately && I honestly couldn't even tell you why. 


But every time I saw them, my heart would start racing, && all I could hear, was the boys laughing seriously with each other for one of the last times I think I've ever heard them all laugh together like that.... 
The night of everything sister. 
I had to tell the boys. I had already kept them in school just to be able to help with everything. 
They deserved to know. 
So the oven was preheated. && I tried to keep as busy as I could. 
I remember, all of them laughing around the table, in the rooms, && I just sat on the couch && cried. 
Anthony held me && asked what was wrong && my response was "I'm about to destroy their worlds"


It was so hard... But the minute I said, "I'm sorry, Taylors gone..." 
I watched the color physically drain from aidens face && he just said.... "What?" && Instantly lost it... 
Jr, didn't think I was serious. Go figure... Your twin... Didn't think I was serious.. 
But it all clicked. && Their worlds just have been so different since then sister. 

We miss you. So damn much. && I understand why you left. && I don't at the same time.. 
Because. I've been there... Fuck man. I'm there... I just, have too many people who I can't let down right now... 

I'm so glad Anthony threw the plates away. Because even though I have this picture, to remember these god forsaken plates forever. I don't have to physically see them, put food on them, or wash them... Ever again... 

I guess this is healing right? 

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