a million little things..

Robin Gunningham said: "You die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time".

&& I just don't ever see that being the thing here sister. I won't ever, not speak your name, or tell stories. The boys, will never stop speaking about you. 
I only wish you would have met the new little, which even in this case, I get to tell him about all the stupid shit, the fun times, all of it. 
You have so many friends who will never let you die sister. Not in the spiritual side anyways. I guess the physical side, is already done. 

It's hardest on days I need you. I wonder if this is how you got. Did you ever just get so, stuck that you were scared to ask me for help? Is that why you never fully opened up until I found out in the end? 
It's so hard when I listen to your playlist. Because, I get it. But I have to stay. I don't have any options. You should have. I know you felt like a burden, but you weren't. && God knows how many times I told you that. 

On this episode of shit I shouldn't make myself watch but I do. Because for some reason I'm a fucking sucker for self sabotaging. ANYWAYS, they said, "yes. You're allowed to be pissed. Hell you're allowed to be livid. Scream, kick, cuss them out when you need to. But do it like you would when they were alive. Don't hold those grudges. Understand they're human too. && Damn sure don't let this one bad thing they did, stop you from loving the millions of right things they did. It may take time. But remember that when it comes to remembering to forgive them." 

No. It wasn't like that exactly. But that's what my mind heard. && I just cried. Especially now sister since I'm listening to your playlist. 
&& Of course the song on now, is the one you showed me

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=M-mAt3uBp_I&feature=share


I forgive you sister. Because I understand. Had I not had the boys, it would had happened to me long ago. && God knows how many times you talked me out of it, or stopped it. 
I love you. I miss you. So goddamn much. && That's okay. Im allowed to. 
I hope you understand that without you, my depression has gotten so much worse. For all of us. 
Forever, I'll be your keeper sister. 
I love you.
I wish you were still here. 
But for forever, I do everything for you. 
I'll keep living for you tay. 
I miss you. Forever && always. 







P.s this dress is still in my closet. 😂 I may or may not have stolen it. 

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