When you realize, time is running low

I don't even know where to begin sister. I stayed the night with mother tonight to help with padre, && let me tell you. This shit is hard. 
I feel so fucking helpless. I just want to take it all. The pain. The racing heart. All of it. Highest I've seen his heart rate today, was 186. && It scared me. 
He's running a fever now. 
Fucking fuck sister I just want you here. We need you. You could be having a sleepover with us right now, if that's what we even call this. 
I keep telling him he doesn't have to hold on anymore. Not if he's in this much pain. But you know padre. Too damn stubborn to listen lol. 
It's the things like this that I'll miss. He had enough strength to stick his tongue out at me two days ago, now, it takes all of his strength just to open his eye. 

He's so swollen sister. So so swollen. Holding his hand, he holds the impression like a memory foam mattress. && It just pains me. He gave up after you. Just like you did after Dustin. 
I just wish he wasn't in the pain he's in. To hear him moan because he hurts so bad, is heartbreaking. I just want to fix this.

I think I shall attempt to sleep for now. It's officially the 15th. 
12:03 a.m.
I love you sister. Plz be here with padre. He needs you. 



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