Things I want to say..

That's a long damn time to not have heard you say "sissy"  Or "love you bitch" It's a long time to not have held your hand, or gave you a stupid long hug.. you know ... The ones that made you uncomfortable...  It's a long time to not hold you butt while you're walking upstairs && telling you, I gotchu sister.  It's a long time to not randomly grab each other's boobs because, idk we were weird like that....  I haven't got a late night 3 a.m call from you in months.  But in reality, sister, I died with you.  The day we buried you, you took part of me with you.  It already bothers me to know the minute you started, I woke up from being asleep, because something didn't feel right....  You are the other half of me.  The better half I think. You made me care, from the very beginning sister....  Five minutes until it's been seven months.  I've made it over half the year. I should survive the rest of it right?  Four minutes......

She was so scared. we sat her on the couch, && she kept saying she was so scared.  So when Kristen, looked at her, she told her that you had died. You were sick for a long time. && You died. You lost.  I was so mad at you Taylor. For making me do this again.  I thought I was done when I told the boys. But no. The look in her eyes sister. She fell apart.  She cried. && Asked if you were in heaven...  && The reality is, that you're not..... && It fucking kills me.  Being stuck in pergatory for forever doesn't sound like fucking heaven..... But you know... You thought that was your best option..  I'm sorry .. the drugs made you think that was your best option..  I can't believe you left this little girl. She was your world. You could had won her back Taylor. You know you could had.  So I started writing that yesterday... Today's the 22nd. The day after our adopted sisters birthday, the day after we broke t...

I'm watching the great Gatsby sister. My fucking favorite movie. && It does nothing but make me miss you more. I haven't watched it since we watched it.  && .... Just today, I'm so mad at you.  I talked someone out of suicide the other night... && It made me even madder at you.  Because, I did it. She didn't carry through with it. && All I could feel, was hope. Because the worst feeling in the world, is saying that someone you love, chose to leave.  I've needed you so bad.  I've had to help with date nights. Which was always your thing. The attempt in application of eyelashes... Again, definitely your thing. && Now I want extensions && guess who's damn thing that was?!?  You always used to say you werent the crafty one. But in reality sister, we both were. You focused your art on writing, && makeup.  Mine simply goes on a canvas, or in resin.  We used music to cope a lot. && You've ru...