Things I want to say..

I ran across this picture, while looking for pictures to send to Christina. && Was instantly flooded with memories.  After that, I had to put my phone down. I had to reground myself. ((Thanks Pinterest)) && I had to breathe.  I want to punch you so bad this week. && I honestly couldn't tell you why.  My therapist made me realize, you truly were my person. Why am I struggling to open up to people? Because you were who I went to...  Why am I struggling with my mental on the whole religion topic?  Because that was what we did for each other... We gave each other hope that maybe there is a god && maybe he really is watching us && maybe we'll all be together again...  Why am I struggling with sobriety?  Because you chose to use before you passed on. To whatever freaking realm you're in.. && you promised me.... You promised Taylor....  Why am I struggling with anger?  Because I can't physi...

I like how as soon as I started trying to write this, both the cats, whom you would love, try to escape from the screen door to love me.. theyre very keen on when they're needed if you know what I mean.  Anyways. Idk what it is about today. I really don't.  Maybe it was when Anthony called me out on my shit as to why I get so anxious to leave the state now...  "Because the last time you left, you knew something was wrong"  && What I said, I guess made me process everything.  "It wouldn't had mattered if I was in this state or not... She made her decision" && That was it ..  This morning when I got the creamer out of the fridge, I just touched the picture of us, on the fridge, put my head down, && tried to remember the good.  That's what the therapist tells me to do anyways. When you get like that, think of the good.  && The good is what makes me so sad ..   I don't think you realized, here we are, almost h...

It's been, a whole minute. A good while since I've posted anything.  I've been trying to keep my mind occupied, by not talking about you which, in the end, wasn't doing very well for me.. I've tried everything. ((Maybe not everything because I'm not going to that extreme)) but that's besides the point.  I've been stuck on these damn plates lately && I honestly couldn't even tell you why.  But every time I saw them, my heart would start racing, && all I could hear, was the boys laughing seriously with each other for one of the last times I think I've ever heard them all laugh together like that....  The night of everything sister.  I had to tell the boys. I had already kept them in school just to be able to help with everything.  They deserved to know.  So the oven was preheated. && I tried to keep as busy as I could.  I remember, all of them laughing around the table, in the rooms, && I just sat on the ...