Things I want to say..

Song to this blog "The days that we raged, we flew off the page Such damage was done  But I made it through, 'cause somebody knew  I was meant for someone." - Morgan Wallen "Cover Me Up" When can you feel like someone is your forever sister? How can I continue to destroy myself day after day to ensure everyone else but me is okay? I'm so goddamn tired and I feel everyone can begin to see it. And feel it. But this is my question sister, is this me seeing my own toxic trait? My own red flag? What the shit is this? I have Scream 3 playing on the tv, and Morgan Wallen playing on my phone as I type this shit like its going to make a damn difference.... it's not like you're going to reply/  I'm sorry, I'm just still trying to figure this shit out. This pain, because sister it never got easier. I just got better and better at hiding it. Therapy's going good. Except for the last appointment I canceled. yea.. I couldn't fall asleep until 6 tha...

Because what else is there to do at almost three a.m. whilst all the boys sleep, including the one I know you're laughing about, && scolding anytime things get intense. You were always the protective one, as was i, yours was just more threatening I guess to say the least lol. I've missed you a lot lately. I'm supposed to be doing homework, but instead I'm sitting here, watching a show called the last kingdom that I feel you woulda enjoyed, and staring at the ghost ball, hoping to see it light up, and hope that it's you. Or padre, I'll take either or both of you right now. But yet, nothing. I think I'm manic sister, because God knows how many of these I've started, and just never finished. Life's funny that way I've noticed.  I made the decision to get help. Because I finally saw that I needed it. No one deserves the bad side of me anymore. The unresolved, soft, walked all over Sofi. Not anymore. I'm not saying I'm anyw...