Things I want to say..

Since the arrival of your truck these past few days have been, interesting to say the least.  They've hurt sister because seeing that truck without you in it, around it, or painting it in my driveway fucking, hurts. But I've learned, I was so wrong to ever be mad at you. Since the arrival of your truck, I took the initiative to clean it out, after all you did ask that it go to Aiden. So clean is what I did && that little teal notebook, broke, my, fucking heart. But thank you. From the deepest parts of my soul, of my heart. Thank you. Because now, since I know how aweful I was to you..... No I can't even say I'll change sister, because it's already too late. I'm so, so sorry. I'm beyond sorry. There's no words for what I am sister, besides a piece of shit who fucking failed you. && By failing you, I failed myself, I'm failing these boys, Our friends, mother. The list goes on and on. Just as promised, I showed all the people I could tha...

Dear sister, I have a problem, && I can't accept it.. idk how to take it, idk how to handle it, idk where to even begin getting help for the shit.  It literally started because of the weight of you, && padre and this is what he wanted to avoid from mother, alas, here I am, going thru full blown alcoholic moments.  I miss you, so damn much sister. So much more than you ever expected anyone to miss you. "be happy for me, in the most heartfelt way possible "  Fuck you for that sister. No one can be happy for you! We fucking miss you TOO DAMN MUCH!!!!!!! && I always feel I'm being selfish for it, but maybe I'm not? Who the hell knows anymore sister.  I just know you were so much more needed than you ever gave yourself credit for. You're such a beautiful soul. You.... Were such a beautiful soul.  Since beginning school, I've been learning so much, like how to take a deep breath, and take a step back, acknowledge s...